Well, some may know by now & some may not, but I spent my Summer break in Lakeside, MT. Seven weeks of fresh mountain air, chilly lake water, mood-swinging weather, kayaking, middle schoolers, and a lot of learned lessons.
I knew coming up to the cabin would be hard. My grandpa, who put his heart and soul in to this property, passed away a few months earlier. I kept pushing the processing of this away as I went to finish out the school year, but I knew once I walked on those dreaded rocks and breathed in that ever familiar scent of the lake, I would have to begin working through what I avoided. Throughout the summer, I would be hit with realizations that my grandpa was no longer there. To walk around and see the many pictures he had hung throughout the cabin, to walk down to his work shop and in to his office where he had spent so many hours, to see his clothes hung in the closet. It was hard and it was lonely at some points. At night, I would be struck with fear, anxiety, and a sickening pain thinking about the concept of death. What it means, for us, for him.
may have painted (via social media) this Summer as a beautiful time, and in some cases it truly was, but to be honest, it was a time of deep morning, doubt, and fear.
But, as always, these moments turned from haunting to hopeful. You see, this Summer and the months prior, I think I had lost a bit of a relationship that has meant so much to me in my years, my relationship with Christ. It was not all at once, but a slow separation that occurred. Once I got to the lake, I could feel it. I knew that if I was going to be healed of this fear that was covering me, I would have to fight it through prayer. And that is exactly what I did.
This Summer was a battlefield for me. When people ask me how my Summer was/ has been, I have responded, "it was interesting." That is the most honest answer I could come up with. It truly was. I faced fears, tried new things, met new people, hiked in Glacier, took pictures of the stunning beauty of Montana, all while fighting a battle inside my mind and heart. But, it was GOOD.
As I prepare to head back home (yay!), I knew I needed to share "with the world" that death and the fear and anxiety that comes with it are normal things. It is not something to be ashamed of. We all morn loss in our own unique way and no way is easier than the other. But I am here to say, the truest healing comes from being covered in love.
I am currently in Great Falls, MT. Visiting my aunt, thrifting, taking in the views of the plains. Tomorrow, I head to Helena, MT. I get to see my grandma, hang out with my cousin (going out on a Monday, woo!), and then pick up my dad from the airport to journey 1700+ miles back to San Diego (with stops in Seattle and NorCal). I am counting down the hours to a bean and cheese burrito, acai bowl, and getting my classroom set up for the 2016-17 school year!
This Summer was full of unexpected answers to prayer, times of excitement and times of tears, new experiences, and trees as tall as the sky.
I knew coming up to the cabin would be hard. My grandpa, who put his heart and soul in to this property, passed away a few months earlier. I kept pushing the processing of this away as I went to finish out the school year, but I knew once I walked on those dreaded rocks and breathed in that ever familiar scent of the lake, I would have to begin working through what I avoided. Throughout the summer, I would be hit with realizations that my grandpa was no longer there. To walk around and see the many pictures he had hung throughout the cabin, to walk down to his work shop and in to his office where he had spent so many hours, to see his clothes hung in the closet. It was hard and it was lonely at some points. At night, I would be struck with fear, anxiety, and a sickening pain thinking about the concept of death. What it means, for us, for him.
may have painted (via social media) this Summer as a beautiful time, and in some cases it truly was, but to be honest, it was a time of deep morning, doubt, and fear.
But, as always, these moments turned from haunting to hopeful. You see, this Summer and the months prior, I think I had lost a bit of a relationship that has meant so much to me in my years, my relationship with Christ. It was not all at once, but a slow separation that occurred. Once I got to the lake, I could feel it. I knew that if I was going to be healed of this fear that was covering me, I would have to fight it through prayer. And that is exactly what I did.
This Summer was a battlefield for me. When people ask me how my Summer was/ has been, I have responded, "it was interesting." That is the most honest answer I could come up with. It truly was. I faced fears, tried new things, met new people, hiked in Glacier, took pictures of the stunning beauty of Montana, all while fighting a battle inside my mind and heart. But, it was GOOD.
As I prepare to head back home (yay!), I knew I needed to share "with the world" that death and the fear and anxiety that comes with it are normal things. It is not something to be ashamed of. We all morn loss in our own unique way and no way is easier than the other. But I am here to say, the truest healing comes from being covered in love.
I am currently in Great Falls, MT. Visiting my aunt, thrifting, taking in the views of the plains. Tomorrow, I head to Helena, MT. I get to see my grandma, hang out with my cousin (going out on a Monday, woo!), and then pick up my dad from the airport to journey 1700+ miles back to San Diego (with stops in Seattle and NorCal). I am counting down the hours to a bean and cheese burrito, acai bowl, and getting my classroom set up for the 2016-17 school year!
This Summer was full of unexpected answers to prayer, times of excitement and times of tears, new experiences, and trees as tall as the sky.